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Deck The Malls With Melancholy
Reader Star Rating: 
Terry Fitterer
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T'was the night before Christmas and all through the mall,
how the grown-ups were stirring, some big and some small.
The stockings were purchased just ready to fill,
and dad hoped his Visa would cover the bill.
Us children were crabby--we hadn't been fed,
while visions of homicide danced through mom's head.
My brother was whining, my sister got sick
and threw up on the baby--the smell was, Oh, Ick!
Then dad, growing nervous, sat down for a spell,
mom croaked a loud 'Humphhh!', then proceeded to yell,
"This holiday shopping is taking it's toll,
these children you've sired are out of control!"
She swallowed an aspirin--(her head ached so bad),
then shook a stiff finger in front of my dad,
"We'll split up the family--take two children each
and pray this idea will bring us some peace!"
My mom flipped a coin, (at our house she's the boss),
then grabbed sis and me after winning the toss.
Dad stifled a groan, made a face and cried, "Shoot!"
at the thought of two kids and a stroller to boot.
"We'll meet back here later", (mom smiled at her gist),
then handed my father his half of the list.
"Get moving you guys, it's a pretty big mall--
now dash away, dash away, dash away all!"
Mom whizzed through the shops at a pretty fast pace,
buying dishes and sweaters; a scarf for Aunt Grace.
When we'd scanned every shelf in that very last store,
I threw sis in a cart and we raced for the door.
As I drew in my head and kept turning around,
I saw dad approaching, his step had no bound.
His eyes didn't twinkle, his dimples weren't merry,
his nose was quite veiny, he looked rather scary.
Poor baby was wailing and sporting a frown,
being pushed in a stroller--strapped in upside down!
And bro' had a look that I now understand
as he sauntered behind, dirty diaper in hand.
Mom screamed, "To the car! My command you'll obey!"
And away we all flew in our motorized sleigh.
Then I heard her exclaim o'er the baby's loud whine...
"This is it! I give up! Next year shopping's online!!"
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