Granny Thinks About A Diet
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Phyllis looked at the elephant's behind and took off her glasses.
Even without the spectacles, the rump was enormous.
She was beginning to feel frumpy these days and the view of the rear end of something larger than she was made her think.
It was all downhill these days; she was getting grey hair too.
"Grandma, can we get an ice cream now please?" trilled Nancy, pulling her along toward the kiosk.
"Good idea love, I think I'll have a flake in mine." laughed Phyllis, then thought of the elephant.
"Perhaps just a small one for me. Here's the money, ask the gentleman."
Nancy felt very grown up standing in the queue with the five pound note tightly held.
She rehearsed what to say over and over while waiting her turn.
"Please may I have a medium cornet for me and an even smaller one for my Grandma? Here's the money."
They sat on the bench by the orange-u-tangs, laughing at their antics.
One big specimen came over to watch them eat. He then imitated the licking of a pretend cone.
"Let's buy one for him Grandma."
Phyllis read the DO NOT FEED THE ANIMALS notice out loud to Nancy.
"Animals can get very poorly when people give them the wrong food. We should leave it to the Zoo Keeper to make sure they get the right stuff."
"Shame Gran, he looks hungry."
Nancy finished her ice cream and jumped up and down ready to go to the sea lion enclosure.
Phyllis finished her ice cream and heaved herself up off the bench.
Her knees were clicking and her thighs felt stiff.
"Come on Gran it's feeding time at the pool."
'Feeding time' thought Phyllis, stomach rumbled.
She pulled out the mars bars from her copious bag, one for Nancy and one for ....oh, maybe not.
She put it back in the bag and felt envious of the sea lions having their meal thrown at them.
Once Phyllis thought about food she couldn't stop.
They strolled on to the insect house, through the dangling string curtain into the gloom.
The tarantula was gaily chewing on a dead bird; the ants were marching determinedly up and down a rope, carrying leaves home for tea.
The pretty butterflies were sucking on chopped fruit.
Everything was eating. I will think of something else tried a ravenous Phyllis.
"Gran. Do you think Mummy would let me have a pet gigantic spider? If I was very good from now till next month." asked Nancy, pressing her nose against the glass partition.
"I think you would have to be extremely good, for the next hundred years dear."
Phyllis shuddered; spiders weren't her thing at all.
"You already have a guinea pig and a goldfish, isn't that enough responsibility? Anyway, I wouldn't want to look after it when you were away on holiday."
Nancy giggles at the thought of her grandma taking a giant spider for exercise.
It had taken her long enough to catch the guinea pig when it escaped from the garden run last week.
"Gran, if you could run faster it would be good." said Nancy, looking at her grandma's wide legs.
"For chasing your escaped pets?"
"No, well yes I suppose so, but I was thinking more of Sports Day at school. I've entered you for the grandparent's race."
"Sports Day! What possessed you to enter me for that?"
Phyllis eased herself down onto the viewing bench in front of the geckos who were tucking into their light lunch of crickets.
Her stomach grumbled again.
"Oomph, that settles it Nancy, I am definitely going to lose some weight." and Phyllis believed it for a few minutes, wondering if she would have to wear lycra for Sports Day.
"You're so cool Grandma, I want all my friends to see you win."
They wandered back towards the elephant house.
Their new baby was toddling about waving his trunk, making the people smile.
There was a competition to name the new arrival.
"Let's have a go, it's 50p to suggest a name. I'll choose Olaf." She loved watching Frozen.
"I'll choose Elvis, because he used to be called the King of rock and roll. Elephants are kings of the jungle."
"Oh no they're not silly-billy, that's the lions who are kings." retorted Nancy grinning.
"Well, clever-sticks, lions don't live in the jungle, so there." laughed Phyllis, pushing Nancy gently on the arm "They live on the plains."
It was getting near tea time and they made their way back to the bus terminal outside the zoo.
"Goodbye all you lovely animals, see you again soon." called Nancy
There was some shouting and people making a fuss, a man was running towards them swinging a large bag.
"Stop him." shouted the bus driver.
"Thief" screamed a lady.
Phyllis and Nancy coming through the gateway stopped in shock.
The man couldn't get past as Phyllis was blocking the way.
"Trip him up Gran." shouted Nancy, who watched far too much television "Bring him down."
Phyllis didn't need to as the man bumped into her and fell backwards; she promptly sat on him until the police arrived.
At bedtime Nancy told her father all about the day.
"Grandma was a complete hero. The policemen came and took the man away.
The lady got her bag back and the bus driver took us to the office and gave us tea and pop.
And my funny Gran told him that it was a good job she wasn't a skinny model cos the man could have run straight past and escaped.
She's so funny our Gran.
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